Monthly Archives: October 2016

Marriage is not Destiny


When it comes to destiny, marriage isn’t an end in itself. It can never and should never be. Alternatively, it can be considered as a means to an end.

In Genesis 2, “the Lord God planted a garden” and there He put the first man – Adam. His purpose was to “work it and keep it.” [v. 8, 15]

God created Adam for a purpose. So it is today; everyone of us is born for a purpose; a great one. No matter the circumstances surrounding your birth; God had something big planned for you.

And the Lord said that ‘it was not good and  satisfactory that the man should be alone; I will make a helper (partner) fit (suitable) for him.’ [v. 18]

Unlike Adam who was formed out of the dust directly, Eve was formed from his (Adam’s) rib. The circumstance surrounding their birth or creation was different, but each of them had a purpose. Adam was to be a gardener and eve, his partner.

Get this. The circumstance surrounding your birth isn’t a yardstick to determine if you have a purpose or not. God created everyone with a purpose; something to live for. Something great. Although Adam and eve where married, they had a destiny to fulfill; which from now I will refer to as purpose. Marriage is a place where the success of purpose can be facilitated or hindered.

Why am I writing this?

With gnawing pain I have seen and heard young adults (I’m a young adult too) discuss how they want to marry Mr. or Mrs. A who has B, C, D and E. However, rarely will you hear them talk about what the intend to spend the rest of their life doing, after marriage.

For instance, last year I was opportune to ask a girl of 20 years who’d just finished secondary (high) school this question;

In the next 10 years, what do you want your life to look like?

Reluctantly, she smiled and replied; “I don’t know o.”

I couldn’t believe her. “you must be  joking” I screamed, but the look on her face convinced me that she was serious. I tried talking to her, but it was already too late (according to her). The introductory rite for her marriage was to be held the following day.

There seem always to be pangs of guilt in my memory, attributed to the vague supposition I had of her when we first talked. About six months earlier we had met and we did spake on pressing issues concerning her education, and she agreed to my suggestions. She did implemented the first step (which was to write college entrance examination – JAMB), I made sure she did; but she never purchased admission form from any higher institution (college) afterwards. During this first discourse, I never asked the question of purpose; “what are you living for?” What a mistake!

On the day of our final discussion, she told me of how the young man (the love of her life) who she was to marry said that:

“My family said, you can not go and study in a distant place. Because it’s far from home, you will ‘open eye’ (be exposed) and maybe reject me.”

“Did he say that?” I cried in unbelief. “Then why are you still marrying him? He’s not even the person sponsoring you. Oh! Your mother agreed to this, because you never protested. Did you?”

As we stood, piles of question kept heaping on my mind until it felt like a volcanic mountain; soon to erupts. Unsuspectingly, this young girl has taken the words of the young man as gospel (It is my opinion that, like the girl, the young man either lacks purpose or he’s just another selfish and insecure person who took advantage of the girl’s apt simplicity in the name of love).

This girl’s story is one out of many others that could be told. There’s this girl who left secondary school years back to marry and last year I saw her in the village of a neighboring state trading Okra; she now looks older than her mum.

Marriage is not the remedy for absolute lack of purpose. Neither is it a substitute for purpose. Destiny itself stands on the foundation of purpose. The man who find and fulfills his purpose has succeeded in the profession of destiny; however it [destiny] has no place for men who suffer a bankruptcy of purpose.
It is good to get married. And if you do; know that you’ve not fully fulfilled God’s plan for your life, until you fulfill purpose. Remember Adam and eve, they where married, still there was a purpose to fulfill; they were to work and keep the garden.

Marriage is a major factor in the pursuit of God’s given purpose. It can, in a blink, spell your doom or necessitate your ovation. This ‘doom’ or ‘ovation’ is the destiny that we so much pursue. The end of everything is destiny. Your destiny is in your hands in disguise. A man who has found his purpose before marriage stands at a greater advantage over him who assumes that getting married is all in life.

For example, the biblical Joseph had dreamt twice that he’ll be a leader and he had his mind fixed on this purpose which God gave him. He was so determined that the journey into the pit, from the pit to Portipher’s house, and from thence to the prison couldn’t get him to compromise. In fact, his leadership mindset was in action all through. He was next to his masters; both in Portipher’s and the prison. Seeing that his master’s wife was interested in him, he could have conspired with her to eliminate his master and have him become the head of the house, but he didn’t. He knew who he was and what he wanted. He wasn’t confused. And later when he became the prime minister of Egypt, he got married and had wonderful kids. (Gen. 37,39,41,48)

Jacob, another character in the Bible, however wasted 14 years in labor, as the cost for marrying two women and another six years ‘tending flocks’. Wow! 20 years! This guy was something else. Note that he was a cheat; bought his brothers birthright, stole his blessings, and influenced the birth process of his master’s flocks. This attitude of his nearly cost him an encounter with God; he could have lost his purpose – the custodian of the Abrahamic blessing; for he wrestled with a man whom he later described as “God.” – (Gen. 29, 30, 32)

It was after the man had “struck  the socket of his hip, so the socket of Jacob’s hip was dislocated” that he began to cry “I will not let you go, unless you bless me.” (Gen. 32 v. 25,26)

Although Jacob was still able to understand his purpose after wasting 20 years in pursuit of marriage, his life afterwards wasn’t blossom.

Genesis 47
Years later, before pharaoh he replied regrettably that “All
the years of my life have been few and painful,” when asked “how long have you lived?” (v. 8, 9)

This indeed is an expression of regret; he didn’t find purpose early. No! He wasn’t even in the pursuit of purpose. Hmmmmmmm! Regret, that sour taste of an unfulfilled destiny.

Out there today, there are people who will not be as lucky as Jacob. Please don’t risk it. Now that you are not married yet, seek what you want to spend the rest of your life doing. Choose the Joseph path; you mustn’t be accomplished as he was before you get married. However, you can have a clarity of purpose before you do. Define your life and deal with it’s plague now that you’re single. In marriage, there will be someone else’s sheet to deal with. Can you handle that?

I’ve heard some folks say “it’ll be all over when I get married” with all confidence. “All this sadness,poverty and insults will end.” They even threaten their family members “John Doe promised to come for ‘date fixing’ soon; I won’t be here for long. I’ll be going to my husband’s house soon.”

Marriage, a remedy for your self inflected sadness and poverty? The result, most often, has always been the opposite. The situation only gets worst. It’ll be like jumping into the rail track in attempt to avoid a pending and foreseeable car crash. Either way, doom awaits.

There’s nothing as terrible as marrying someone who has no purpose. Such persons lack virtue; they can settle for vice if need be. They are like dry leaves; tossed by the wind where so ever it pleases. They embrace every idea, hoping it could be a way out; even marriage. If it does not work out, they will walk out.

“Death is not the greatest tragedy in life, but a life without propose.” – Myles Monroe

I leave you with these words.

There’s only one friend worth marrying. Such friend seeks to know your purpose for living; reminds you of your purpose for living; contributes to your purpose for living and will never give up on your purpose for living.
Seek to be such a friend.